Happiness & Regret
by Artichokie
Summary: Before Lily Evans can depart for her final year at Hogwarts, she tries to soothe the aching gap that has grown between her and her sister, Petunia.


**Happiness & Regret**  
_By Artichokie_

"Knock, knock," Lily Evans said cheerfully from her sister's doorway as she rapped her knuckles against the wooden archway. Her auburn hair was tightly twisted into a low bun, outlining her pale freckled-speckled face. Her vibrant green eyes danced with merriment at what the day's end would bring.

The merriment dimmed, however, when her eyes lighted upon her slouching older sister. Petunia Evans sat amidst her vast four-poster bed, purple blankets piled high around her. Her blonde hair was pulled back into a messy ponytail, strands billowing out around her face. It appeared as though Petunia had just awakened, which Lily knew to be a lie; she'd heard her sister fiddling around in the bathroom thirty minutes prior.

Petunia chose to ignore her sister's presence as she continued to chip the pink lacquer from her fingernails. Lily sighed and dropped the leather pouch she'd be holding to the floor. It landed with a soft _plop!_ against the rug covering the wood flooring. She leaned against the doorway and crossed her ankles.

"Mind if I come in?" Lily asked hesitantly. For the past six, ever since Lily's acceptance letter into Hogwarts had flown through her window, Petunia had been wary of her. Lily hated it almost to the point of regretting ever having received the letter. As much as she wanted to, though, she was glad she had. She just hated losing her sister.

"I do mind, actually," Petunia muttered without glancing up from her nails. Lily sighed again. Stepping over her discarded bundle, she walked around to the edge of Petunia's bed and sat on it. Clothes littered her sister's floor, the wood barely visible beneath. Bottles of perfume cluttered the vanity in the far corner, the mirror smeared with make-up. Lily itched to tidy up, her room never coming close to the disaster of this one, but it wasn't her place. Glancing back at her sister, she knew trying to organize now would only make matters worse.

"I came to say goodbye," Lily hesitantly remarked. "It's my final year, you know." A nostalgic feeling overcame her. Was she really that old? She couldn't believe how fast time flew. She was top of her class—and she was Head Girl. A grin stole across her fast.

"'Bye," Petunia growled, halting Lily's wandering thoughts. Lily just stared at her, bewildered, as the smile fell from her face. What had happened to the playful child whom had once been her best friend? Petunia must have felt her stare for her head finally shot up. Cold, angry eyes cut into Lily's face, and Lily tried to quell the urge to gasp. "What?" Petunia's voice dripped with sarcasm. "Do you want a ceremony?"

Lily had begun to shake her head, but she stopped abruptly. She didn't understand what was brewing beneath Petunia's façade—hadn't been able to decipher the turmoil since it first appeared—but she wished she could. She knew it had something to do with Hogwarts, with Lily being accepted without her sister, but she couldn't figure out what she needed to do to rectify the slight her sister suffered.

She wished she didn't care as much as she did.

Lily reached out to grab her sister's stiff hand, but Petunia retracted it as soon as she made contact. Petunia's pale face turned scarlet, fire bursting in her wide eyes. It wasn't the smartest thing for Lily to do, she knew, but she didn't know how else to comfort her. Lily's heart began to pound as her own turmoil surfaced.

"I'm sorry, 'Tuney," Lily whispered. She was—she really was. How could anyone wish pain on another being, especially someone as close as one's sister? "I wish it didn't have to be this way."

"Well, it is," Petunia snapped back. Was she so uncaring?

"But it doesn't have to be!" Lily returned animatedly. "You're the one making it so! I'm offering you an olive branch, but you're the one snapping it in half and tossing it back in my face." She paused, her breathing escalated. She hadn't realized she had started yelling until her own voice lingered in the air after she had ceased speaking. "You can't even see me for who I am, anymore. Can you?" Lily's voice had calmed, but her breathing still remained escalated. "You see me as a… as a…"

"As a freak!" Petunia finished enthusiastically. "Yes, you're right. I see you as a freak, nothing more. You may be my sister, but that's a mere technicality." Petunia flopped back against her pillows, her thin arms crossing over her chest. Her eyes drifted closed and her nose tilted haughtily in the air. "Now, if you don't mind, do be off to that freakish school of yours. I'm afraid you're contaminating my breathing air." She stretched her feet out until they touched Lily's thigh, and then she gave a swift shove. Lily took a hint and stood up, refusing to stoop down to her sister's level and glare at the ungrateful chit.

She sighed, watching her sister's scarlet cheeks slowly brightened to a normal skin tone. "I'm sorry it had to end this way," she murmured, more to herself than the sulking woman-child stretched out on the mattress before her. Lily turned away and walked over to the doorway. She reached down for her pouch and was about to exit the room when Petunia's voice reached her.

"Oh, but it's not over, Lils," the woman growled, her eyes still closed and her arms still crossed. "It's not over because you'll be back. You always come back. You can't ever manage to stay where you belong, can you?"

_This is where I belong,_ Lily thought as she rounded the corner and into the hallway. This was her home, where she grew up. She wiped a single tear away from her face. She wouldn't stay where she belonged, though, Petunia was right about that. One couldn't live with their parents their entire life, could they? That thought damaged her heart more than the blatant scorn her sister had just thrown at her.

She was sorry it had to end this way.


End file.
